Race 12 - Day 15
Crew Diary - New York, USA to Derry-Londonderry, Northern Ireland
09 July

Newbie Part 6

'Proposed syllabus for round the worlder (RTW'er) re-integration programme'

Pronunciation: new.be
Definitions: 1. New inexperienced joiner to a group 2. Doesn't know shit

In an effort to help RTW'ers re-integrate into polite society we have developed an intensive programme. See below for details :

Dates: TBC
Location: A desert as far from the sea as possible
Instructors: TBC
Fee: included in your RTW'er package

Topics will include:
Eating/dining/cooking * - see below for more detail
Personal hygiene - the use of as much fresh water as you like
Homework vs Boat chores - vacuuming re-explained
Sleep/work balance - up in the morning, work during the day; sleep at night
Technology - so much has changed since you last visited
Apple Scratching in public - take care of where and when
Decision making and structure - yes dear, you will have to make all of them yourself
Safety and daily living - no need to clip on
Living in stable environments - no need to strap yourself into bed
Fashion - red is not the new black
Driving versus Helming - only one wheel per vehicle
Acceptable humour - no toilet talk at the table
Living Alone - sleeping in your own bed
Entertainment - understanding Netflix
Family and friends - how to wean them off the race viewer
Personal Space - a new frontier
Boat talk vs small talk - no they are not that interested in another Clipper story
Digestive Irregularity - sponsored by Dulcolax
Un-contorted bunking and toiletry explained
Weather - it doesn't matter
Smells vs Aromas - learn why BO is NOT acceptable

* Eating and Dining

Relearn how to cut your food with a knife and fork. Take more than 6 mins to eat a meal. Use separate clean vessels for every course ( and utensils). Only use a bowl for soup and cereal. Learn how to cope without the following sauces:

HP
A1
Tomato sauce
Tabasco
Tabasco with Chilli
Tabasco with Garlic
Tabasco with Chipotle
Frank's Red hot sauce
Chilli sauce
Green relish
Mustard
Mayo
Branston/sandwich pickle
Soy sauce
Mamas chinese sauce
Ginger
Vinegar
Worcestershire

And sauces made with Canadian maple syrup or honey or similar Cholula sauce Oyster sauce Trappey's red devil sauce light soy sauce Cowboy sweetcorn relish

For more information contact Sarah Hoare at the Race office.

Thanks,

Lorne

Shout outs:

To mum, karen and sharon - have a lovely get together this coming Saturday :)

Dear Natalie - counting down the days until i see you in Derry, cant wait. Love John xxoo

To Maggie - can't wait to see you in Irelandxxoo Happy birthday and best wishes to Charles' Granny on her 100th birthday ( and from all the telemedders !!) love Jill; and love to my wonderful girls and boys too). I've crossed the Atlantic and on my way to Derry !

Hi Bella ! Nearly sailed across a whole ocean, can you Facetime Grandma and tell her I'm having sucha good time, love Aunty Jo.

Happy late birthday July ! love you Linda.

Kevin and CHeryl - hope you are having a safe trip to the boat; happy holidays ! love Linda To Gili, Lianni, Tali and Ori - C'Mo she ha yam rachav v'amok ani ohev otchem. Hi mom ! love abba xx To my Marina; we'll talk soon in Derry - love you Dan xoxo To kat's mum - hope all goes well and we look forward to seeing you soon :) xx To Dad - happy birthday for the 12th July; will call you love ELaine xx

Happy Birthday Gili! Ad maya v'esrim. Ani ohev otach m'od m'od. Loni. Hi Mom!