Race 4 - Day 5
Skipper Report
07 December

A skipper on his hands and knees, marigolds on and bucket of anti-bacterial wash in hand can only mean one thing - 'CODE BROWN'. Now for all of you guys wondering what I am talking about, I am going to try and explain the mornings series of events in the most non-descript way possible. I ask you all first never to take for granted the flushing of a toilet when the contents disappear into the abyss leaving no trace. Some of you may have experienced a blocked loo or two in your time. You firstly look for that plunger under the sink you haven't seen for ten years and march out to the shops to buy a life time supply of drain unblocker. Three different types just in case the first two don't do the job, and then begin to plunge in a fashion you see fit, not really knowing if you are doing it right. If all else fails, you will give the local plumber a call who will arrive with some sort of long hose attached to a pressure washer, charge an obscene amount and have the blockage clear in minutes.

There are four very unfortunate points drawn out of the paragraph above. The first is that CODE BROWN (a blocked toilet) is a very regular occurrence on a boat and can occur for various different reasons. The second, third and fourth are that there is no plunger and even if there was, it wouldn't work, there is no access to a local shop to purchase some sort of drain unblocker, and if there was, it wouldn't work, and the last is that we would have to reach landfall before calling 'Jock to unblock' in his white van with pressure hose at the ready.

The most unfortunate point of all that I haven't mentioned is unlike a typical toilet at home, ours change angles depending on the angle of heel of the boat or the angle we shoot down a wave. This means that any water in the bowl that we cannot flush now has chance of spilling over whilst you frantically manually pump flush whilst wishing it away. This now must be rectified using the scoop out method. Nick Davis assured me an empty peanut butter jar was the way to go from previous experience, but I opted for the empty plastic juice jug which appeared to work a treat.

The majority of blockages on board are caused either by back pressure or putting something down there that you haven't already eaten. This back pressure causes the one-way valve inside the very thin tubes to invert which requires the system to be taken apart. Now imagine you try to disconnect your toilet at the back full of water without the help of 'Jock to Unblock'. You now have what is described in the game as black water all over your bathroom floor and a toilet in two halves It's quite frankly a really messy situation.

So, this morning not only have I had to take the role as local plumber because of the possibility one of my beloved team has placed what will now resemble papier mashey down this very thin section of tube, I have also been accused of possibly attributing to a lost Elliot Brown Ocean Sprint as I asked for the boat to be flattened for all of 10 seconds whilst pumping frantically and wishing the contents of the smallest porcelain bowl known to man away.

All I can say is, just call me JOCK.

Let Peace and unblocked heads be the journey,

Andy and The GREAT British Blockers