Race 5 - Day 19
Crew Diary - Race 5 - Day 19
10 January

The Madness of the Crew

If you can't already tell by the ramblings of the daily crew blogs, especially of yesterday’s, the longer you are at sea the increasingly insane the crew become. Leg 3 saw tethered obstacle courses around the boat, Ryan losing it laughing at how some crew members say foreguy, 80s style exercise classes, dinner served by synchronised dancing Mothers etc etc.

Maybe it was the reduced stopover time in Fremantle but the Leg 4 crew seem to have descended into a state which in any other situation would be a cause for concern by medical professionals. (Un?)fortunately for us the sole medic on board has other priorities- currently railing about how the dolphins are all against him as every time he gets the camera out they disappear.

So you have heard about the heartbreak and the following events of the missing Nemo. However, a crucial part of the story was missed. Once Ingo was sentenced to keel hauling, Rizza, our planet loving environmentalist, steps forward gleefully admitting guilt to the dispatching overboard of our friendly fish. Gasps were heard around the deck and now everybody is watching their backs - from both Rizza the evil mastermind, and Ingo a thoroughly disgruntled German known for his collective punishment techniques.

I wish I could say that was the peak of insanity but that would be lying.

The majority of the crew are heavily invested in the success of the debut single of The Ocean Lovers. Who you ask? This is the formation of our boats boy band. What started as a small joke that the four guys standing behind the traveller looking like a boy band, has now digressed into a full project. Henry, Ryan, Diego and Andres are our cover boys - three bearded blokes and a smooth Columbian, united through their love of board shorts. The band itself may be unwilling participants, but the enthusiasm of the rest of us may mean that a live concert could be coming to you soon.

We have Josie and myself as songwriters, Johannes as band manager, Ingo as choreographer, Maeva as Media and PR, plus a whole host of groupies and other vital support positions, such as lighting and merchandise. It has been well over a week since this idea sprouted and we now have two verses and a chorus of the song plus Josie is often found singing under her breath some new ideas for the future hit ‘Hanked on you’.

The sound of giggles often drift through the heads hatches nowadays and there can only be one reason for it - the ultimate heads shoes: Crocs. A lot of euphemistic phrases are said on a boat in a completely innocent manner, but it only takes one person with a filthy mind to point it out and the whole boat descends into tittering. A classic from Leg 3 was Ryan’s spotting on the helm - ‘Go deeper’, ‘Ooh, that’s the sweet spot’. He was gifted a thoughtful parting gift from a crew member of Crocs with these phrases brandished on them in permanent marker. Now no Crocs are safe, any left unattended are graffitied with the owners innocent euphemisms. These include:

‘I don’t know what’s happening but it feels good’ Anne

‘Come here and take your pants off’ Andrew **

‘If you’re going to blow, blow properly’ Mary

‘Ooh it’s a big one’ Josie

‘Get into position darling’ Ryan

I would like to stress all of these were said with complete innocence and no sexual harassment is taking place upon PDE.

I don’t know what I’m writing any more as it’s incredibly hot and sweaty down here. Before I completely lose the plot I’m going to check out the salsa lessons currently happening on deck, find out whether we’re speaking in a terrible German (Sorry Johannes/Ingo/Rizza) or French (Sorry Maeva) accent today, and plan the new and improved tethered obstacle course for the wind hole we hope will never come.

**I realise it’s probably hard to imagine when this would be acceptable to say, so just for context Andrew is the medical professional on board and was checking a cut on a crew members leg which required the removal of some clothing.