Many people ask how you're feeling about the "mighty" Pacific, are you ready for it, can you handle the cold and the big waves? I ask myself the same, but how do I know? Any response is without foundation. Yes, I handled the cold and swell in the Southern Ocean on Leg 3, but how will the Pacific compare? Will it be colder, more brutal, for longer? Will the team be stronger, am I stronger?
I'm a bit nervous, stealing myself, mentally bracing myself. Giving myself little pep talks to bolster my resolve. It's the big one, I must be strong.
This has meant that I have not allowed myself to be sad and dwell on the loss of my dear dog, Timmy or the impact his passing has had on my family. Yes, I know I am sad and also guilty for not being with them at this time; but I cannot indulge those emotions. Is this a good reaction to life, have we all become too over emotional because we have the luxury of being so? Does society expect us now to be emotional, to show our emotions, and if so, how will I adapt when I get back. Maybe I will continue to keep my emotions inside while before I let them out, maybe my friends and family will think I'm colder? Who knows?
But sometimes thinking about how you feel before launching into a challenge is not helpful. What you need to know is; are you physically strong, do you have the required resolve and focus, do you want to succeed. And of course, as victualler, do you have enough food!
As with any sail, we have prepared for the journey but now we are on the water you live day to day. Each moment on the boat is a potential memory so I really try to just be present in the here and now. Whether that is focusing on the evolution task, chatting with the watch or when staring across the water during downtime. Like a very hard jigsaw puzzle, pieces strewn across the table, it is daunting when considered as a whole but each piece has a meaning and slowly, they come together into one glorious accomplishment.